Sermon for the Fifteenth Sunday after Pentecost, September 10, 2023
Ezekiel 33:7-11+Psalm 119:33-40+Romans 13:8-14+Matthew 18:15-20
I don't know if it has always been like this, but it seems to me that people have forgotten how to talk to each other. This is good news for my organizational consultant spouse who will always have clients who need his help because their communication skills are abysmal, but it is not such good news for the Church.
One of the first things I told the vestry when I came here 5 1/2 years ago was to avoid being triangulated, of getting in the middle of an issue that someone might bring to them when it's really about me. One of the most harmful things that can happen in a congregation is to have a whispering campaign going against the clergy or the staff or an individual member, so it's really important to redirect someone who is unhappy about something to the person who can do something about it.
This week, a long essay made the rounds among church-types and clergy written by a Presbyterian pastor in Illinois who had just left the church - not just his position as pastor but left the ministry completely. I won't go into the laundry list of reasons why, many of which, I believe, go with the territory of leading a congregation, but some of it is about just this kind of communication problem found in the church and, indeed, in any organization. Here is part of what he wrote in a section called 1000 bosses (and yes, this essay was long enough to need subheadings):
Another aspect of being a pastor is that you don’t just have one boss. Sure, as a pastor, you are ultimately responsible to a board or governing body that oversees your ministry. However, in practice, your boss is every person who walks through the door of your community. When everyone likes what you’re doing, it may not feel that way, but the moment a group of people become discontent with your messages or decisions, then you feel the weight of their leverage over your life....
I’ve been the target of the mudslinging. Some members of my community were so opposed to my leadership that they took steps to create a movement to have me removed from my post. At first it was an underground movement to convince the governing board of the church that a majority of parishioners were discontent with my leadership. When that effort was unsuccessful, they went public by sending out an e-mail to the entire congregation to build enough momentum to have me forcibly removed.[1]
Yikes!
Now, I want to make very clear that this has never happened during my time at All Saints. I've never personally experienced anything close to this although I know people who have. And while conflict inevitably occurs in the Church as elsewhere, so much of it could be prevented or better managed if the one who is aggrieved or offended would bring it directly to the other person.
It's funny, I think, how Jesus knew this would happen. "If another member of the church sins against you, go and point out the fault when the two of you are alone" (Matthew 18:15). Sounds simple enough, right? But we all know that it isn't. Either we avoid conflict of any kind, or we want to be liked, so we just swallow our frustration or we send a text to our close chat group with a "can you believe she did that?" text. And then, we are off to the races.
Just before this part of chapter 18, we read Matthew's version of the parable of the lost sheep, the one about that one sheep that wanders off and the shepherd goes looking for it, leaving the other 99 unattended. Jesus our Shepherd is not willing that one of us should be lost.
So, we are to take our grievance to the one who has grieved us, and if we are not satisfied with the response, we take a few more people to talk with that person. We don’t just gather a cabal; we gather people who will listen and help mediate. And if that doesn't work, Jesus says we are to "let such a one be to you as a Gentile and a tax-collector" (18:17).
It sure sounds like Jesus is canceling anyone who doesn't come around, doesn't it? Well, let me remind you who is writing these words. It's Matthew. The tax collector. The same shepherd who is not willing for a single sheep to be lost is not willing to give up on anyone. They are invited into the fold, and if they don't get it right the first time - whatever right is - they start over again and again and again.
The same can be said of us. We may not get it right all the time, but thanks be to God that we are never lost. Our Good Shepherd will hunt us down. So, we cannot believe that others who have offended us are irredeemable, cancellable. That's not the way that a Christian community works. It is one of the greatest challenges of the life of faith and one of the most rewarding. In Paul's epistle to the Romans, we just read, "Owe no one anything, except to love one another; for the one who loves another has fulfilled the law" and "Let us then lay aside the works of darkness and put on the armor of light" (13:8, 12b).
Nothing I have said here this morning should be taken to mean that I have concerns about how we communicate or that I am aware of underlying problems. Not at all. But maybe here at the beginning of a new program year as we come together more fully as the people of All Saints, we ought to commit ourselves to talking with one another, and not just about the weather or the Yankees. If we are happy, say it. If we are hurting, ask for prayer. If we are angry, find a way to express it with care. If I had thought of it, we might have celebrated Festivus and had an airing of grievances today (and if you aren’t a Seinfeld fan, I am sure that makes no sense to you). If we love one another, we can be honest with one another. That's how we create a strong community, one that bears each other’s burdens, that stays deeply connected, so that we can do the work we have been given to do, to love and serve God and each other.
[1] https://www.restorativefaith.org/post/departure-why-i-left-the-church?fbclid=IwAR3-m8on_dH9lKb1Wr75YqHUc1Vghf0hz7VRw7IDHxsKOmvEYm2bsClhAbE